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I think my ex abused my son, what should I do?
I posted a question about me suspecting that my ex would spank our son and he did (http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20101214112236AAcxiFg). My daughter witnessed the event and this is what she told me.
My ex came home from work and they were doing their homework. He changed his clothes and when he finished changing my son came to him and asked him to quiz him on his homework. My ex told him he would get to that later & to pull his pants off (leaving only a t-shirt and underwear). He talked to my son about not turning in a homework assignment last week and at the end of the conversation he told my son “You don’t have to worry about school anymore. If you don’t want to do homework then you need to go to the pros as a football player.” Then he made my son get into a “2 point stance”. Here is a picture of the position (http://www.usafootball.com/file_manager/renderMedia/4137).
He sat next to my son with a belt and everytime my son got out of position he hit him with a belt a few times and made him get back in position. My daughter said that my son was crying, and his legs were shaking. He kept screaming “I want to go to school. I don’t want to play football” and my ex kept saying, “You had your chance to be a student, now you need to go to the pros.” My daughter said that this went on for about 20 or 30 minutes. Afterwards my ex sent my son back to finish his homework.
Then he left the house to get dinner for everyone. When he came back my son chose to finish his work before eating. Later that night my ex went online to double check my son’s grades (the school has a website where you can check your child’s grades in real time). In the time between the first spanking and dinner they posted grades. My son had two more assignments posted with a 0 that my son didn’t do.
My daughter says that my ex called my son to the computer and asked why those grades were missing & my son replied “I don’t know” and then changed his answer to “I didn’t want to do them.” So my ex made my son stand in that position for another 20 or 30 minutes, and said the spanking was more severe. At the same time my ex called me to inform me of the missing assignments. I asked to speak to my son. He was crying, and I could hear my ex in the backgroud saying “get your butt down” and “Straighten your back”.
I think this is child abuse. What should I do? My kids are over there again tonight. I also think my ex is taking this personally, because he coached him in football and all this was happening and he didn’t know.
I have a different perspective that many of the people that have answered may not agree. First of all, I read all your previous posts (I’m guessing that no one else did). What your ex made your son do is called an EXERCISE! If your son plays football or baseball, this stance is par for the course. And basketball coaches have been known to make players do this EXERCISE for entire practices. 20 or 30 minutes is a slap on the wrist.
I coach several sports, and all my teams have policies that negative reports from teachers or parents warrants additional EXERCISE during practice. So we would have punished your child for 2 hours, not 20 minutes. So after your son’s legs started shaking and he swore to God he couldn’t stand any more…we would make him lay on his back and raise his legs 6 inches for 20 or 30 minutes until he begged us to get in the 2 point stance again. This ma’am is called FOOTBALL PRACTICE…not child abuse. There have been many of single mothers that have drug their child kicking and screaming to our practices begging not to tell the coaches that they got in trouble at home or school. And our team has several officers from the Los Angeles Police Department as coaches and parents. These same police officers are dishing out these punishements.
So you added that your ex spanked him. Spanking your child is not illegal or abusive, and he would not be removed from the home for such an incedence. From your previous post, you say dad does not usually spank…and if your son plays for your ex, then it’s safe to say that they are close. So your ex punished him in a fashion that he will not soon forget. I am willing to bet you that your son will not miss assignments anytime in the near future.
Should I give My ex-boyfriend another chance?
Her is the problem, is has a baby mama with some serious drama. His child is 1, I also have a child which is 4 with another person. Me and my ex-boyfriend were dating for 3 mths, he just broken up with his baby’s mama when we hooked up. When we were together he kept bringing her name up various of times it was getting annoying as hell. So I would bring my baby’s fathers name and he would say I don’t want to talk about him. I decided to quiz him and asked him 3 questions, I asked him if he would ever go back with the babys mother if his son asked him to he said yes, then said he wouldnt say yes or no he would say that his mom is crazy. I asked for a solid yes or no and he couldn’t answer that question. So I asked him another question later on the days, what would you do if your baby’s mama was sitting on your steps in front of your home crying wanting you back? he said he would tell me to go that he has some sh*t to take care off. Wrong Answer. So the next day I told him I can’t take this sh*t anymore you need to find out what you need and tell me next month. I also tell him to give her a chance and if it was over to make sure it was over. Its been 2 days and he called me saying that he wants me back and misses me and is for sure doesnt’ want to be with her, I told him not to call me, we will meet next month and see where the relationship goes. Should I give him another chance if I still have feelings for him or should I permantly take him out and move out for the fact that he might do this again… Please reply and sorry if this is so long…
I think you should give him another chance. Don’t wait a month, a lot of things can happen in that amount of time.
Ex-gf came back to me with surprising revelation? How far can I trust her? What do I do now?
I dated this girl a while ago. We had dated for 3 months, broke up for a bit, she dated someone else for a month, but then we ended up getting back together again for another 3 months. Then we broke up bad and didn’t speak often at all up until a while ago. The argument was both our faults, I was being immature and she took something I said completely wrong.
Anyway, she’s been dating a guy for almost a year since then (we broke up 2 years ago). She finally texted me trying to catch up a few days ago, and we finally started talking again. I do like her a lot, we had been good friends before we started dating. I asked how she was handling her bipolar disorder… and she stopped for a second and said ‘about that… get on FB chat’. She sent me a link to an anonymous blog, where a few days ago she posted about finally being able to talk about being raped, the man responsible had been discovered, and died resisting police. She said he was the reason she had been so messed up, especially concerning guys. She asked me not to talk about it since only myself, her boyfriend, and her family knew about it. I told her the guy was a fuck, she’s a wonderful girl and if she ever needs to talk she can always talk to me. I also said her boyfriend probably tells her this all the time… and she told me that while he does she says it sounds forced now (which makes her feel horrible for saying she says, and it might just be because of her bipolarness)
Regardless we’ve been texting a LOT since then. I live 1000 miles away right now (and will for another 9 months, in my last year of college), but we’ve been trading pictures of our apartments, she’s sent me a picture of her smiling face a couple times, I sent her one of myself now. I was bored at work and told her I had just taken a quiz to name the first 151 pokemon and joked how the girls would just be lining up… and she said she was impressed and would be first in line! Then 10 minutes later added ‘If I was single anyway…’
Talking to her today now though she suddenly stopped texting me back. I tried again about an hour later and she just said back ‘lol I’m sorry… i’m not feeling well… i’m in the middle of a fight….
‘
What do you think is going on? How should I handle all of this? If she needs emotional support I’ll give it but it seems like she almost wants me to be the rebound guy coming off of a breakup she saw coming…
She is probably having boyfriend troubles and you just need her to handle girls are very confusing and I know because I am one and I am confused all the time about what I want or what I need… You will figure out if she wants to be with you or if she doesn’t you will know if u love/like her enough… You need to be just a friend for now and if she wants or asks you to be more you give her a honest answer If you want to be with her you say yes and then figure that out from there if she really wants to be with you or not…
Old friend/ex-gf came back to me with surprising revelation? How far can I trust her? What do I do now?
I dated this girl a while ago. We had dated for 3 months, broke up for a bit, she dated someone else for a month, but then we ended up getting back together again for another 3 months. Then we broke up bad and didn’t speak often at all up until a while ago. The argument was both our faults, I was being immature and she took something I said completely wrong.
Anyway, she’s been dating a guy for almost a year since then (we broke up 2 years ago). She finally texted me trying to catch up a few days ago, and we finally started talking again. I do like her a lot, we had been good friends before we started dating. I asked how she was handling her bipolar disorder… and she stopped for a second and said ‘about that… get on FB chat’. She sent me a link to an anonymous blog, where a few days ago she posted about finally being able to talk about being raped, the man responsible had been discovered, and died resisting police. She said he was the reason she had been so messed up, especially concerning guys. She asked me not to talk about it since only myself, her boyfriend, and her family knew about it. I told her the guy was a ****, she’s a wonderful girl and if she ever needs to talk she can always talk to me. I also said her boyfriend probably tells her this all the time… and she told me that while he does she says it sounds forced now (which makes her feel horrible for saying she says, and it might just be because of her bipolarness)
Regardless we’ve been texting a LOT since then. I live 1000 miles away right now (and will for another 9 months, in my last year of college), but we’ve been trading pictures of our apartments, she’s sent me a picture of her smiling face a couple times, I sent her one of myself now. I was bored at work and told her I had just taken a quiz to name the first 151 pokemon and joked how the girls would just be lining up… and she said she was impressed and would be first in line! Then 10 minutes later added ‘If I was single anyway…’
Talking to her today now though she suddenly stopped texting me back. I tried again about an hour later and she just said back ‘lol I’m sorry… i’m not feeling well… i’m in the middle of a fight….
‘
What do you think is going on? How should I handle all of this? If she needs emotional support I’ll give it but it seems like she’s trying to see if I’d be a rebound guy from a breakup she saw coming…
Not trying to be rude or anything but it seems like she’s starving for attention. Be a friend and an ear, but don’t give much more than that, you’ll more than likely regret it.
At what point should I draw the line? Girlfriend talking to a friend/ex again after 2 years?
My girlfriend and I have been dating almost 2 years now. She had dated a guy friend of hers for almost 6 months before they had a bad break (which is when we had started dating). She rarely spoke to him since then, up til recently when they apparently patched up their friendship.
We were going through a rough patch, had just worked it out, but when she went to the bathroom she got a text, and I noticed it was from her ex. She came back, I asked her about it, she said I was free to read through everything that they’d been talking about.
She’s traded damn near 400 texts with this guy over the past 3 days. She had been going through a rough patch, the guy who sexually assaulted her a year before she had dated HIM finally was convicted and thrown in jail for raping and murdering a 14 year old girl. Since she’d been assaulted she’s been bipolar, and generally leaned on me for emotional support, but we’d been fighting. The guy made a joke about getting all the girls with his high score on a ‘name the pokemon’ quiz and she said she’d be first in line… if she were single. She also mentioned we had been fighting and also said she kept feeling like I wasn’t being sincere even though she knew I was (another reason we’d been fighting).
To his credit the guy helped her out, and in fact probably helped me out trying to patch things up with me and her. He’s flirting, but he also is dating other girls, and hasn’t crossed any major lines that I can see… But I still don’t like that she’s texting him so much. They’ve even been trading pictures of stuff they’ve been working on (they’re both artists) and she agreed to make him something soon, and they could trade.
The guy lives 1000 miles away so she’s not about to go drive off with him, but still. I’m worried. Am I overreacting?
That’s… A lot of texting.
Does she normally text a lot? If she texts a ton to her friends and stuff anyways you’ve got less to worry about (some girls are a little text-crazy). If she’s texting more than she usually texts to other people then maybe you should be a bit cautious.
Don’t jump to conclusions or anything though. Just watch what happens around you carefully and think about what you say and do before you do things, especially regarding her, and extremely especially regarding him.
I live with a lot of girls, and I’ve seen how they overreact when their boyfriends overreact. They’re more likely to hold a grude if you mess up, so be careful.